On the plus side, his questioning about why Christian Grey

On the plus side, his questioning about why Christian Grey

6 Conspiracy Theories That Are Unintentionally Hilarious

Canada Goose Parka Also, the movie is a prophecy about America’s upcoming end. According to the self proclaimed “Co Prophet of These End Times” (the other co prophet lives in a trash container behind an Arby’s), the film is a message from the Illuminati about how they, quote, “plan to bring America into bondage.” In order to prove this, Mr. Eagle begins by reading the book’s plot out loud, which, yes, is exactly like watching your grandparents have phone sex. Canada Goose Parka

canada goose clearance sale Incidentally, it buy canada goose jacket must have been awkward when he asked his grandson to print out canada goose clearance sale

cheap Canada Goose The entire crux of his argument is that the plot of the film resembles events within the Book of Revelation, something which canada goose factory sale sounds unlikely considering that we’d remember having heard that the Book of Revelation is a fanfic of another part of cheap Canada Goose the Bible. To summarize, Anastasia Steele canada goose black friday sale is the Whore of Babylon/United States of America, while Christian Grey is the http://www.mycanadagoosejacket.org Scarlet Beast/Russia who eventually defeats/dominates her. Sadly, however, he never canada goose store clarifies what the nipple clamps and anal fisting represent, but our bets are “Crimea” and “economic sanctions.” cheap Canada Goose

buy canada goose jacket Picture unrelated; we just like taking screencaps of him pointing at things. buy canada goose jacket

canada goose He also takes a few Canada Goose Jackets moments to deconstruct the title of the film, highlighting that the “fifty shades” is a reference to “fifty states” and that the “grey” is a reference to how everything will look after Russia electro clamps us into the Stone Age. On the plus side, his questioning about why Christian Grey isn’t called Christian Brown has given us an idea for a Fifty Shades/Reservoir Dogs mash up canada goose outlet (although the “ear” scene might get cut). Canada Goose Online Thanks Eagle!”Obama Just Declared His Allegiance to Islam Using a Secret Hand Signal!” canada goose

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Canada Goose Jackets On the day that President Obama leaves canada goose uk outlet office, hundreds Canada Goose Parka of conservative bloggers will be forced to hang up their keyboards, because it won’t be as tempting to convince everyone that the white guy in charge is actually a west hating Muslim canada goose uk black friday agent provocateur. canadian goose jacket However, this is still months away and racists have bills to pay, so have you heard that Obama has now openly declared his allegiance to Islam? It’s all right here in this picture:Pretty sure the guys on the corner are in a McDonald’s drive thru. Canada Goose Jackets

canada goose deals In August 2014, while canada goose uk shop walking past a podium containing several dozen African leaders, Obama was caught flashing the shahada according to the scholars who wrote this, a “Muslim gang sign.” Obviously, this now means that his true loyalties have been revealed and, if popular culture has taught us anything, we can expect Captain America to start dismantling this insidious globe spanning conspiracy any second now. canada goose deals

Canada Goose online However, as unlikely as it is that the fact checkers over at American Thinker failed to do their job, there’s a significant hole in their argument. Namely, that the shahada they describe doesn’t fucking exist. There’s a thing called shahada that is used to reaffirm your belief in Islam, but it’s a verbal declaration. In other words, it’s not something uk canada goose that you can express using your hands, as if the reference to a “gang sign” didn’t already tip you off to the fact that this comes from the imagination of a person who thinks all black people communicate using hand signals because that’s what happened in The Wire one time. We’re surprised that they didn’t go one canada goose coats step canada goose further and accuse Obama of replacing good ol’ fashioned hand gestures like the fistbump with these crazy fascist communist hand buy canada goose jacket cheap signals. And, as the biggest, most expensive science thing in the world, the CERN Large Hadron Collider is a magnet for the crazies cheap canada goose uk (blame the metal of their tinfoil helmets). It’s little wonder, therefore, that the recent reopening of the LHC after two years Canada Goose Outlet of repairs has people wondering whether the repairs are less “installing a new vending machine” and more “opening a portal to the fucking monster dimension.” Canada Goose online

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canada goose clearance According to the people whom no one dares sit next to canada goose clearance sale on the bus, the LHC is a gigantic wormhole generator designed to usher forth the reign of Cernunnos, an ancient god of fertility and forests, whose only real connection to this debacle is having a name that contains “CERN.” After all, the purported purpose of CERN is to discover the origins of life, the universe, and everything, and what better way to help with that than abducting an antler headed semi deity and trapping him underground?From there he’ll write his first novel, Ravished by Canada Goose online the Atom Canada Goose Coats On Sale Smasher. canada goose clearance

canada goose coats This video offers further proof of this theory gathered from scientific documentaries such as Stargate and The Avengers. Other strands of evidence for CERN being in literal congress with the beast include their logo containing an abstract version of “666” and the canada goose clearance statue of Shiva standing outside their office. Although, to be fair, if the people in charge of CERN stopped saying stuff like “out of this door might come something,” they might be able to get some work done without having to dodge exorcism every time they leave the office. canada goose coats

Canada Goose Outlet We know that you’re cleverer than this (you’re reading this fine site, after all), but if you’ve refused to vaccinate your child, then congratulations! You’ve guaranteed Big Pharma your patronage for years to come. Also, you don’t uk canada goose outlet know how science works and you’re a terrible, terrible person. Further bad news for you: You can’t even go to McDonald’s anymore without having your children stealthily vaccinated, apparently.”Watch out, that sauce is Robert Patrick in disguise!” Canada Goose Outlet

buy canada goose jacket cheap You see, with the recent much publicized outbreak of measles, the anti vaxxer community has been under a ton of pressure to not look like a bunch of dicks. Well, they eventually figured out a way: by revealing that the establishment plans to hand out vaccinations to children visiting McDonald’s. We refuse to make further comment on the irony of handing out medicine in one of the places where people are most likely to contract one of the biggest killers in the world buy canada goose jacket cheap.

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